You have heard the quote. You are the average of the five people you spend the most time with. But nobody talks about what to do when the people directly around you do not reflect the version of yourself you are trying to become.
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A guide to curating a feed that becomes your fifth person
You have heard the quote. You are the average of the five people you spend the most time with. But nobody talks about what to do when the people directly around you — the ones you love, the ones you live with, the ones you cannot just replace — do not reflect the version of yourself you are trying to become. You cannot always change your circle. But you can build a second one. And it lives in your headphones.
01
When your circle does not match your direction, your feed has to
This is not about outgrowing the people you love. You are not better than your family or your friends because you started going to pilates and reading about nervous system regulation. But you might be in a season where nobody around you is having the conversations you need to hear. Nobody is talking about the things that are shifting inside you. And that gap — between who you are becoming and who you are surrounded by — can make you feel like you are doing something wrong.
You are not. You are just growing in a direction that needs a different kind of input. And your phone, the thing you pick up fifty times a day anyway, can be the source of that input if you are intentional about what you let in.
Unfollow the accounts that make you feel behind. Mute the content that leaves you comparing. And start filling that space with voices that sound like the woman you are working to become.
02
Your feed is the background voice of your life — treat it like it matters
Think about the last hour you spent scrolling. What did it leave you with? If the answer is anxiety, comparison, or a vague sense that you should be doing more, that is not entertainment — that is programming. Your subconscious does not distinguish between a friend saying something to you over coffee and a stranger saying it through your screen. It absorbs both the same way.
So the question is simple. If your inner voice is going to start sounding like whatever you consume the most, what do you want it to sound like? Gentle? Ambitious? Honest without being harsh? Build a feed that speaks to you the way you want to speak to yourself, and watch your internal dialogue start to shift. It happens faster than you think.
03
Start with the women who make you want to get up and do something
Tam Kaur is the friend you wish you had growing up — brown, warm, relatable in the way that only someone who understands your cultural context can be. She talks about her life in a way that makes you feel seen without ever performing relatability. Bahja Abdi is Muslim, wildly ambitious, and refreshingly honest about the messiness of building something while holding everything else together. She does not romanticise the struggle. She just tells the truth about it.
Izzy Sealy is the one you watch when you want to actually do something after — her production is beautiful and her advice is specific enough to action immediately. No filler, no fluff. Just clear, useful content that respects your time.
These are the creators you put on while you are getting ready in the morning or walking to your Araam class. Not as background noise. As the voice that sets the tone for your day before your group chat does.
04
For the days you need someone who just gets it
Some days you do not need actionable advice. You need someone who understands what it is like to exist inside the life you have — the faith, the family expectations, the weight of being good at everything while quietly falling apart about one specific thing you cannot name.
Mihed Asma's podcast is for those days. She speaks to Muslim women in a way that does not centre the identity as the topic but lets it be present naturally — the way it actually exists in your life. Jillz Guerin is for the broader moments, the ones where you need grounded, women-first guidance on taking care of yourself without the wellness fluff that usually comes attached to it.
Put one of them on during your evening walk. Open the Araam app for a guided walk meditation and let their voice fill the space where the overthinking usually lives. By the time you get home, you will feel like you just had a conversation with someone who understands.
05
Your inner voice will become whatever you feed it most — choose on purpose
This is not about toxic positivity or pretending your life is perfect. It is about recognising that the voice inside your head — the one that narrates your day, the one that decides whether you are doing well or falling behind — is trainable. It repeats what it hears most. And if what it hears most is comparison, negativity, and noise, that is exactly what it will feed back to you when you are alone with your thoughts at night.
Curate your feed the way you curate your wardrobe. Keep what makes you feel like yourself. Let go of what makes you feel like you are not enough. And fill the gaps with voices that remind you of who you are becoming, especially on the days you forget.
Your circle is not just the people in your living room. It is every voice you let into your head on a daily basis. Make sure those voices are ones you would choose on purpose. The Araam daily gratitude text, a five-minute meditation before bed, a podcast from a woman who makes you think — these are not small things. They are the infrastructure of your inner world. Build it with care.
You cannot always choose who is around you. But you can always choose who is in your ears.